Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility





The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility

Available for $34.99 from:

The Vagrant Cantos
PO Box 1159
Taos, NM
87571

“Anxiety is a polluted well from which most people drink, but the clear liquor of Tranquility is our natural beverage.” The words of the Maladonian poet Butalla have offered solace to the suffering for centuries. His acolytes, the pygmy Butasi, are now mining the rare Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility to aid those who are stagnant in their search for harmony.

The diminutive Butasi recognize that worldwide serenity has decreased over the past several decades. But now our followers can rejoice because The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility offers an indispensable boost to upper levels of advanced composure. Envision the delight of scorning anxious individuals who have not yet discovered this hallowed blessing.

For an additional $34.99 an auxiliary Top Secret Mantra is also offered to our faithful members. The Top Secret Mantra guarantees not only a faster path to tranquility, but also the added benefit of hair growth.

The Pink Aperture is fashioned from Rhodonite, a rare gem embedded with sanctified elements extracted by the tiny Butasi deep in the Ural Mountains. The Pink Aperture of Supplemental Tranquility has been approved for use by 12-Step Groups worldwide and is considered the precursor to true sobriety and abstinence. Enhancement with the Top Secret Mantra promises lifelong peace and sobriety. (Warning: If painful discharge occurs, discontinue use immediately.)

Sorry, No Refunds.

Namaste.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

The Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction




The Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction
Send $34.99 to:
The Vagrant Cantos
PO Box 1159
Taos, NM
87571


We have all experienced those embarrassing moments when in the midst of a conversation with a friend or colleague we suddenly think, “I have no idea what I’m talking about.” Now, with the Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction, banish self-doubt forever. These handcrafted talismans enable the possessor to dominate and vanquish all who dare to disagree. Opponents recoil at the sheer certainty imbued to the owner of The Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction.

The Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction is particularly valuable during periods of national discourse, such as elections and religious holidays, where belief is more important than evidence.

For an additional $34.99 we will also include a Top Secret Mantra, which will aid the owner of The Sapphire Passage of Enduring Conviction to increase his or her voice to an almost unbearable volume, thereby guaranteeing supremacy over antagonists.

(Caution: may cause dizziness and temporary loss of libido).

Sorry, no refunds.

Namaste.

Friday, July 8, 2016

The Tangerine Amber Access of Psychic Fluctuation



The Tangerine Amber Access of Psychic Fluctuation
Send $34.99 to:
The Vagrant Cantos
PO Box 1159
Taos, NM
87571


Have you wondered why the Sages of Salamandor are considered the most spiritual People on Earth? Have you been fortunate enough to feel the emanation of spiritual secretions flowing from them as they pass by while making their annual pilgrimage to the Holy Corona? Elevated men and women have been mining and shaping the Tangerine Amber Access of Psychic Fluctuation for centuries and finally, for the first time, the Sages of Salamandor have made the sacred Access available to our followers.

Holders of the Tangerine Amber Access of Psychic Fluctuation will be able to mystically and divinely dominate those who do not possess the sanctified talisman. Also, with the addition of the Top Secret Mantra of Access, the Sages of Salamandor guarantee quick relief of lower back pain.

The Top Secret Mantra is sold separately for $34.99.

Sorry, No Refunds.
Namaste