I’m considering an advice column
entitled “Let Go and Let Joe”.
I listen to people. In person,
singularly or in groups, on the radio, on TV, in movies. I read books, social media
posts, newspapers and magazines. The coercive semantics in expressions of love,
hope, belief and affection fascinate me as does the culture of
relationships, how they develop, why and how they disintegrate. I’ve had
significant real-life experience enhanced by a considerable academic background.
Everything has a lifespan: dogs,
people, love affairs.
Over the past several years a few
phrases and terms have become prevalent in the discourse relating to coupling,
marriage, and the abstraction we call “love” that are inaccurate, manipulative,
sad and may foreshadow upcoming hazards.
Soulmate.
What the hell is a “Soulmate”? No.
That is a dangerous elevation of somebody and it gives tremendous power to the
significant other. To refer to another as one’s “Soulmate” is emotional
blackmail and limits options; it is a way of acquiring the individual and is
similar to the often used and completely false:
Love of My Life.
Wow. No one else? Ever? Really?
Impossible to locate another individual to boost your ego? Holy mackerel.
That’s another way of saying, “I’ve given up. I don’t even want to try. It’s
your responsibility to worship and support to me. Or else.”
I’ve only done preliminary research
but I’m fairly sure that there are close to 10,000 people within a 500-mile
radius of anyone in the populated, civilized world with whom one could
establish an intimate relationship. That means you may have thousands of
“Soulmates” and “Loves of Your Life”.
Tired, sad, needy. Please, get a
grip, be real and let the other person off the hook.
Improper use of the modifier “so”:
This one is a beaut, and easily
recognizable:
“I
love you.”
Trite, but nice. Simple and to the
point.
“I
love you so much.”
Hmm. What are you truly saying? Why
do you want me to hear that extra “so”? One should immediately become
suspicious.
“I
love you so, so much.”
Absolutely dishonest. This is a
clear indication of anger or infidelity. Your life is in jeopardy. If you hear
the double “so” in an expression of intimacy or attachment, wait for your
partner to leave the house and then run. Move. Leave a note that says, “You are
a lying monster. I don’t know what I ever saw in you. Fuck off and don’t look
for me or I’ll have you arrested.”
Another dubious use of “so”:
“I’m
sorry.”
Sure, OK, you should be, perhaps we
can move on, I may or may not accept your expression of remorse.
“I’m
so sorry.”
Uh oh. Now they’re overdoing it.
They are not telling you the whole story but they definitely have something to
hide. Be nervous.
“I’m
so, so sorry.”
Nope. You are not. Your companion
is a lying manipulative lowlife danger to society and is preparing you for
serious humiliation or a bad beating. Again, “so, so sorry” is the most obvious
signal that it’s totally over. Get a restraining order, hire some private
security, but become far, far gone.
Everyone, everything, every
alliance has a lifespan. The person who knows that and can spot the indicators
of annihilation has a better chance of staying safe, of moving on and going north
to find the next Soulmate.
If I can save one life, my work is
done.
