Saturday, September 2, 2017

Light







Light Work, Inc.

Up until recently I’ve been a self-certified Instinctive Energy Healer. My clients claim that during our sessions they are full of vitality; they are sharp, joyful, clear-headed and delighted with life. Some, for the first time in a decade, begin thinking about sex and erotic experiences.
Of course, I’m extremely grateful for my gift, but even though it’s a fun gig I’ve come to realize that it is not as profitable as I’d like.
The other day, on social media (of course) I noticed that some friends of  “friends” are referring to themselves as “Light Workers”. Fascinated, I began deep research into what this practice consisted of and what one needs to become a Light Worker.
Here’s what I discovered.
You don’t need anything. No training, no school, nothing.
You are born with the ability to manipulate Light. Not everyone has this talent, but, similar to “Energy Healers”, when an exceptional person desires to be a practitioner, they become one automatically.
I said to myself, “I am an advanced being and I want to treat people who have odd and often imaginary maladies and I’d like to be able to make a decent living as a…. (Your gift goes here).”
Bam.
That’s all it takes. You’re an Energy Healer, Elevated Being, Intuitive Whatever. If you want it, dream it, you can have it.
Now, in addition to my successful career as an Intuitive Energy Healer I have added the discipline of Light Worker.
What do I do?
I’m glad you asked.
As I’ve said, my work is intuitive, so I craft each treatment to the individual who is seeking enlightenment and relief. Sometimes my only tools are a book of matches and a bowl of ice cubes; other times, I require an ice pick, leather restraints and a box of crayons. This is an alternative form of restorative therapy and the alternatives are infinite. I rely on my highly developed sense of compassion and sensitivity though occasionally I must use discipline and tough-love.
If you make an appointment for Light Work, understand that we begin in a dark room with a fan and a harmonica. I will be using a series of different sized flashlights and I may have to shine the light directly into your eyes while administering helpful suggestions. If any of these things disturb you, I will stop immediately. Perhaps you’re not cut out for Light Work. Don’t feel badly. I have numerous other methods of uplift and enrichment. We will work together to find the perfect approach for you. Remember, you are special and unique in the universe, there is no one like you, your difficulties are more intense than other people’s, your pain is more severe. I will administer to you accordingly and I guarantee success. You will be renewed and fulfilled.
Sorry, does not accept insurance.